Disclaimer: This article reflects my professional experience as a therapist working with children, young people and families. It is intended as general guidance and isn't a substitute for individual advice. Every child is different, and parents should make decisions based on their own child's needs, development and family circumstances.
Hello and welcome back to The Therapist Diaries,
My partner is the father of two boys, aged six and seven, and this week we've found ourselves talking a lot about the headlines surrounding children and technology. From the ongoing debate about restricting social media for young people, to concerns about screen time, to recent investigations into platforms such as Roblox, it's a conversation that seems impossible to avoid. (Roblox Investigation)
I'm not a parent myself, but I have spent almost a decade working alongside children, young people and families. One thing that still surprises me is how many children have unrestricted access to devices, apps and online games, or how much information families share about their children on social media.
Then I remind myself of something important: not everyone has seen what I've seen.
Throughout my career, I've worked in crisis services and with children who had experienced significant trauma, abuse and exploitation. Those experiences change the way you look at the online world. You begin to realise that while the internet can be a wonderful place for learning, creativity and connection, it can also be a place where children are vulnerable if the right safeguards aren't in place.
Online safety isn't a new issue. Concerns about grooming and child exploitation online date back to the early days of internet chat rooms in the 1990s and early 2000s. Since then, technology has evolved at an incredible pace, and unfortunately so have the methods used by those who seek to exploit children.
Today, the risks are broader than ever. A seemingly innocent photograph shared online can reveal far more than we realise. School uniforms, street signs, sports clubs, geotags or even recognisable landmarks can provide clues about where a child spends their time. Once an image or piece of information is online, we lose control over where it goes, who saves it or how it might be used in the future. Advances in artificial intelligence have also made it possible for images to be manipulated in ways that would have been unimaginable only a few years ago, often without the knowledge or consent of the child or their family.
These realities aren't shared to create fear. They're shared because informed parents are better equipped to make informed decisions.
So, buckle in for a long blog post because today, I want to answer some of the questions I'm asked most often about children's online safety. My answers may be firmer than some people expect, because my professional priority has always been, and always will be, keeping children as safe as possible. You don't have to agree with every opinion I hold, but I hope the advice encourages you to pause, reflect and perhaps think differently about the digital world our children are growing up in.
1) Why do people cover the faces of their children when they post them on social media?
There are a few different reasons. Some parents simply want to protect their child's privacy. Children cannot give informed consent for having their lives documented online, and what seems like a cute photo today, could still be circulating when they're applying for university, starting a career or forming their own identity years later.
Others are concerned about digital footprints. Every photograph, birthday post, school achievement or holiday picture contributes to an online record that children have no control over.
There are also genuine safety concerns. Although the majority of people viewing your photos have good intentions, images shared publicly can be copied, downloaded and redistributed without your knowledge. Modern AI technology has also made it much easier for photographs to be manipulated into fake or inappropriate images.
Covering a child's face doesn't eliminate every risk, but for some families it feels like a sensible compromise between sharing family moments and protecting privacy.
* This is particular important at events where OTHER children are concerned. Just because you consent to taking a photo of your child at sports day and posting it online doesn't mean another parent has consented. So always consider this when posting pictures online that include other children.
2) How do I post pictures of my children safely?
There is no such thing as completely risk-free posting online, but there are ways to reduce the risks considerably.
Start by checking your privacy settings regularly. Social media platforms update their settings frequently, and what was private a year ago may not be private today.
Avoid sharing photographs that reveal identifying information. School uniforms, house numbers, street signs, sports clubs, dance schools, daily routines or locations can all provide pieces of information that someone else could put together.
Turn off location tagging unless there is a specific reason to use it, and think carefully before posting while you're still at an event or on holiday.
Ask yourself one simple question before every post: Would I be comfortable if this photograph was downloaded and viewed by someone I don't know? If the answer is no, don't post it.
Finally, remember that your child deserves dignity online just as much as they do offline. Avoid sharing embarrassing stories, tantrums, toilet training, punishments or moments they may one day wish had remained private.
3) What's wrong with giving my child an iPad?
While I personally am absolutely against iPads/ similar technology for children under the age of 12, I am willing to concede that the iPad isn't the problem. Like most pieces of technology, it's simply a tool.
Tablets can be brilliant for reading, video calling long distant relatives, creativity, communication, education and even helping children regulate during long journeys or hospital appointments.
The difficulty comes when the device becomes the primary source of entertainment, emotional regulation or childcare.
Children develop emotional regulation, frustration tolerance, imagination, communication skills and attention through interactions with people and the world around them. If every moment of boredom is filled by a screen, children have fewer opportunities to develop those skills naturally. If your child is saying "I'm bored at lunch time because I can't watch my iPad,"... then it might be time to re-evaluate.
There's also the issue of supervision. An iPad or tablet connected to the internet gives children access to far more than educational games. Even with parental controls in place, children can encounter inappropriate content, advertising, online chat functions or strangers through games. Does anyone remember the period of Dark Peppa Pig Videos that found their way onto Youtube a few years ago?
My advice is usually quite simple. If your child is using a tablet, know what they're doing, know who they're talking to, set time limits and make sure technology is only one part of their childhood, not the centre of it.
4) Why are games like Roblox and Minecraft such an issue?
Similar to the above question about technology use, it's important to separate the games themselves from the way they're used. Neither Roblox nor Minecraft is inherently "bad." Millions of children play them safely every day.
The concerns arise because these platforms allow children to interact with content created by other users and, in many cases, communicate with people they don't know.
Some games contain frightening, violent or age-inappropriate material. Others include chat functions that can expose children to bullying, inappropriate conversations or grooming attempts if safeguards aren't in place.
Roblox, in particular, hosts millions of user-created experiences, which means the quality and suitability vary enormously. While moderation has improved over the years, no platform can monitor everything instantly.
Minecraft presents fewer risks when children play privately with family or trusted friends. Risks increase when children join public servers where they can communicate with strangers.
Rather than banning every game outright, I'd encourage parents to become curious. Sit beside your child. Play with them. Ask them to show you their favourite worlds. Learn how the game works. Know whether they're playing alone, with school friends or with complete strangers.
Children are much more likely to tell you when something worries them if you've shown an interest in what they're doing instead of dismissing it.
5) What age should I give my child a phone?
This is probably the question I get asked most often and I would say this question is aimed more towards smartphones than phones in general. It's a question I genuinely struggle with. My personal belief is that no child needs a smartphone and I struggle to believe any child needs a phone before they attend high school however I myself got my first phone at 9 when I was diagnosed with Diabetes and my parents needed to be able to contact me if something was wrong. (Albeit it was back in the day when smartphones weren't as big as they are now!) So, the honest answer is that there isn't a magic age. You as their parents have to judge when you believe your child is mature enough to handle the responsibility and repercussions that come with owning a phone.
Some children are ready earlier than others, and readiness always has more to do with maturity than birthdays.
Before giving your child a smartphone, I'd ask a few questions.
Can they follow household rules consistently?
Do they tell you when something worries them?
Can they cope with disappointment without becoming overwhelmed?
Do they understand that not everyone online is who they say they are?
Are they likely to come to you if they make a mistake?
For many families, a basic mobile phone that allows calls and texts is enough for several years before a smartphone is introduced.
If you do decide your child is ready for a smartphone, think of it less as giving them a device and more as teaching them to drive. You wouldn't hand your teenager car keys without lessons, supervision and rules. Smartphones deserve exactly the same approach.
Use parental controls. Keep devices out of bedrooms overnight (ideally keep devices in sight of parents as often as possible). Delay access to social media for as long as reasonably possible. Have regular conversations about what they're seeing online. Most importantly, make sure your child knows they can come to you without fear of punishment if something online makes them uncomfortable.
Technology is here to stay and for most of ur kids, they're going to use it in every aspect of their lives. Our job isn't to raise children who are afraid of it, it's to raise children who know how to use it wisely, safely and confidently.
6) "Should I be checking my child's phone?"
This is probably one of the biggest dilemmas for parents. Many worry that checking their child's phone is an invasion of privacy.
Some parents believe children deserve increasing privacy as they mature, but I think it's important to remember that privacy and safety are not the same thing. Young children shouldn't have an expectation of complete digital privacy. If you're providing the phone, internet access and paying the bill, it's reasonable to supervise how it's being used. The goal isn't to spy, it's to teach safe habits until they're able to manage them independently. This truly begins the moment you hand a child technology. The phone or tablet shouldn't be given to the child as something that is "theirs", it belongs to the guardian and they are allowed to use it, just like the TV or other things in your home. I have found this most effective in helping families overcome outbursts related to boundaries of use.
7) "How much screen time is too much?"
This has been a hot topic recently, particular in the UK. There will always be a new report which "scientifically" tells you how much screen time kids should or shouldn't be accessing. I can still hear my grandma telling me "your eyes will go square if you watch anymore TV!"
Parents often focus on the number of hours, but the quality of screen time matters too. There's a HUGE difference between video chatting grandparents, creating digital art or watching an educational programme; and, endless scrolling on short-form videos or gaming for eight hours straight.
Rather than obsessing over exact minutes ask yourself: Is my child still sleeping well, exercising, spending time outdoors, seeing friends, doing homework, developing age appropriately, and enjoying hobbies?
If screens are replacing those things, it's probably time to reassess.
8) Should my child be allowed social media?
The UK and Australia have recently introduced social media bans and it's so difficult because again, I created my Facebook account when I was still in Primary School. This is one of those questions that doesn't have a universal answer, but just as I suggested with the phones, I do think there are some important things every parent should consider.
Most social media platforms have a minimum age of 13, and that isn't an arbitrary number. It's based on a combination of privacy laws and the recognition that younger children often don't yet have the emotional maturity to navigate the pressures that come with social media. However just because there is a minimum age, does not mean everyone on the site has used their correct age to create their profile.
Social media isn't just about posting photos anymore. Children are exposed to advertising, influencers, unrealistic beauty standards, misinformation, cyberbullying and algorithms that are designed to keep them scrolling for as long as possible.
One of the biggest myths I hear is, "But everyone in their class has it."
Usually, they don't but even if they do, another family's decision doesn't have to become yours. As parents, it's okay to set boundaries that reflect your own values, even if they're unpopular.
If you do decide your child is ready for social media, don't hand over an account and hope for the best. Create it together. Talk about privacy settings, followers, what is and isn't appropriate to share, and remind them regularly that if something online makes them uncomfortable, they can always come to you.
The goal isn't to stop children using social media forever. It's to help them learn how to use it safely and responsibly.
9) What are the warning signs that my child isn't safe online?
Children don't always tell us when something is wrong, particularly if they're worried they'll lose access to their devices or get into trouble. Instead, they often communicate through changes in their behaviour.
You might notice that your child suddenly becomes very protective of their phone or tablet, quickly closes screens when you walk into the room, seems unusually anxious after being online, withdraws from family, struggles to sleep or becomes distressed when asked to put their device away. Sometimes children begin receiving messages or gifts from people you don't know, or they may become secretive about who they're talking to. *None of these signs automatically mean something serious is happening.* Teenagers, in particular, naturally seek more privacy as they grow. What matters is whether you notice a significant change from your child's "usual" behaviour.
If your instincts tell you something feels different, approach the conversation with curiosity rather than accusation. A calm, "I've noticed you seem upset after you've been on your phone lately. Is everything okay?" is far more likely to open a conversation than immediately demanding to see every message.
10) How do I talk to my child about online safety without frightening them?
The same way you teach them about road safety or stranger danger. Children are not stupid and they're incredibly resilient. If you've reached the decision that your child is mature enough to use technology/ be online, then they "should" be able to handle the conversation about online safety.
You don't sit a four-year-old down and show them graphic road traffic accidents. You teach them to stop, look and listen. You practise holding hands. You repeat those lessons over many years until they become second nature.
Online safety should be exactly the same. It shouldn't be one big conversation. It should be hundreds of little conversations throughout childhood. Talk about kindness online. Talk about scams. Talk about strangers. Talk about privacy. Talk about asking for help if something doesn't feel right. Again, I stress that if your child isn't old enough to understand these talking topics then they are NOT old enough to utilise technology alone. If your child is too young to understand screen time limits, then they are too young to have unlimited access to tablets.
Most importantly, make sure your child knows that they can tell you anything without immediately losing their phone or being punished.
If children think they'll get into trouble, they're much less likely to tell you when something worrying has happened.
You don't have to know everything about every app your child uses. What matters most is creating a relationship where they know you'll listen first and react second.
11) Should children have screens in their bedroom?
In my opinion, younger children are generally better off without internet-connected devices in their bedrooms overnight. I actually go one step further and suggest children shouldn't have anything stimulating such as technology or toys in their bedrooms overnight because bedrooms should be places for sleep, rest and winding down, not unrestricted access to the internet. HOWEVER, again that's a personal opinion and not a professional one.
Professionally I would say, when devices stay in bedrooms, it's much harder for parents to know what's happening online. It also becomes easier for children to stay awake long into the night, affecting sleep, mood, concentration and emotional wellbeing.
Many families find it helpful to have a central charging station where everyone's devices including the adults are plugged in before bed. Not only does this reduce temptation, but it also models healthy digital habits. Children notice what we do far more than what we say.
12) My child says everyone else has one. What do I do?
Every parent has heard this sentence at some point. Sometimes it's true. More often, "everyone" means a handful of children in their class. It's completely understandable to worry that your child will feel left out. Nobody wants their child to feel different.
At the same time, parenting has never been about making the same decisions as everyone else or about making the decision for an easy life. It's about making the decisions that you believe are right for your child.
Every child develops at a different pace. Some are ready for a phone, social media or online gaming earlier than others. Some need a little longer.
Rather than saying, "Because I said so," try explaining your reasoning. "I know lots of your friends have one, but my job is to keep you safe. When I think you're ready, we'll look at it together."
Children may not like that answer in the moment, but boundaries delivered with warmth and consistency help children feel secure, even when they disagree with them. Boundaries are often loked at negatively, as a punishment, but I promise you that boundaries now mean more freedom later! Your child doesn't need you to be the coolest parent in the class. They need you to be the one who makes thoughtful decisions, keeps the lines of communication open and helps them grow into someone who can navigate the online world with confidence and good judgement.
To all the parents reading this, currently in the technology trenches with their children and teens... one final bit of advice for you:
13) What if my child has already seen something upsetting online?
First of all, take a breath. Many children will come across something online that frightens, confuses or upsets them at some point. It doesn't automatically mean you've failed as a parent, and it doesn't automatically mean your child has been harmed for life.
What matters most is what happens next.
If your child comes to you and tells you they've seen something upsetting, try to resist the urge to react with anger or panic. I completely understand why your first instinct might be to take the phone away, demand answers or lecture them about internet safety. But remember, your child has done exactly what we've been hoping they would do—they've come to you.
The first thing they need is to know they're safe.
Thank them for telling you. It takes courage for a child to admit they've made a mistake, clicked on something they shouldn't have or had a conversation online that made them uncomfortable.
Reassure them that they're not in trouble. If children believe they'll be punished every time they tell the truth, they're much less likely to come to you the next time something happens.
Once everyone is calm, ask open questions about what happened. Try to listen more than you speak. Find out what they saw, how it happened, whether anyone contacted them directly and how the experience made them feel. You don't need to interrogate them—you simply need to understand enough to know what support they might need.
If another person was involved, block and report the account using the platform's reporting tools. If you believe your child has been groomed, sexually exploited, threatened or encouraged to harm themselves, contact the police immediately. If intimate images of a child have been shared or created, report this as soon as possible and seek specialist advice. These situations can feel overwhelming, but you do not have to manage them alone.
Over the following days and weeks, keep an eye on your child. Some children seem unaffected initially but become more anxious later. Others may have nightmares, avoid using their devices, become withdrawn or repeatedly talk about what they've seen. If you notice ongoing distress or significant changes in their mood or behaviour, it may be helpful to speak with your GP, your child's school or a qualified mental health professional.
Finally, remember that one difficult experience online does not define your child, and it does not define you as a parent.
Children are remarkably resilient when they have safe, supportive adults around them. The goal isn't to raise children who never make mistakes online—that simply isn't realistic. The goal is to raise children who know that if something goes wrong, they can come to you, knowing they'll be met with calm, compassion and help.
In my experience, that relationship is one of the strongest protective factors a child can have.
Thank you for saying until the end, I truly believe this is one of the most important parenting topics of the generation. I hope that my answers provided some context and recommends for you. But one final note, parents, I know you're doing your best and I promise you, you're doing better than you think you are.
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