Hello and Welcome Back to The Therapist Diaries,
This week I was talking to my boyfriend about how many people read the blog and how grateful I am for that. I truly am so glad that so many of you have joined me in this space where we slow things down, get honest about stuff and remind ourselves that struggling doesn’t mean we’re failing, it means we’re human. Despite that, I also mentioned how, despite being a therapist, sometimes I don't feel like I'm a good enough therapist to be giving any kind of advice to anyone. Ever heard of Imposter Syndrome? As he always does, my boyfriend supported and encouraged me, but it was a thought that remained.
So today we’re talking about something so many of us quietly carry, self-doubt- that feeling of not being good enough, even when others tell us we are. If that resonates, take a breath, settle in, and know you’re not alone in this.
If you’ve ever had someone look you straight in the eyes and say, “You’re doing great,” and your brain immediately replied, they’re just being nice, you’re not alone. A lot of us carry this quiet, heavy belief that we're somehow falling short, even when the evidence suggests otherwise. Compliments bounce off. Achievements don’t land. And there’s this lingering sense of “not enough” that won’t loosen its grip.
So why does this happen?
For many of us, the belief that we’re not good enough didn’t come out of nowhere. It often grew slowly, shaped by comparison, pressure, past experiences, or environments where love and approval felt conditional. If you learned early on that worth had to be earned through productivity, perfection, or being “easy to get on with” for others, then your nervous system may still be scanning for proof that you’re failing. Even when people tell you that you’re enough, your brain is trying to protect you from disappointment by staying skeptical. It’s not that you’re broken. It’s that your system learned a story a long time ago and hasn’t updated it yet.
One Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) concept that can be helpful here is Wise Mind. Wise Mind is the place where emotion mind and logic mind overlap. Emotion mind says, “I feel like I’m not enough, so it must be true.” Logic mind says, “People tell me I’m doing well, so I guess I am.” Wise Mind gently holds both and asks, “What’s the most balanced truth I can access right now?” The feeling of not being enough is real and valid, and it doesn’t automatically mean it’s a fact. Learning to pause and check in with Wise Mind can soften that all-or-nothing self-judgment.
Another skill that can shift things is Check the Facts. When your mind tells you, “Everyone else has it together except me,” slow the moment down. Ask yourself what the actual evidence is. Not the loudest thought, not the oldest belief, but the observable facts. Did you show up today even though it was hard? Did you handle something you once thought you couldn’t? Did someone offer you kindness without being asked? This isn’t about gaslighting yourself into positivity. It’s about widening the lens so your inner critic isn’t the only narrator.
Many people also struggle because they’ve never learned how to self-validate. Validation doesn’t mean saying, “Everything I do is perfect.” It means acknowledging your internal experience without shaming it. You might try saying, “It makes sense that I feel this way given what I’ve been through,” or “I can be proud of myself and still want to grow.” When you practice self-validation, you’re teaching your brain that worth doesn’t require external permission.
There’s also a powerful DBT skill called Opposite Action, which can feel uncomfortable but surprisingly effective. When shame tells you to shrink, hide, or dismiss praise, the opposite action might be to say “thank you” and let the compliment land for just one breath. You don’t have to believe it fully. You just have to not swat it away. Over time, these small moments create new emotional learning, and your brain starts to understand that it’s safe for you to take up space after all.
It’s important to name that believing you’re “good enough” isn’t a switch you flip. It’s a practice. Some days you’ll feel grounded and steady, and other days that old story will come back loud and convincing. This is where Radical Acceptance can help. Radical Acceptance doesn’t mean liking the belief or agreeing with it. It means acknowledging, “This thought is here right now,” instead of fighting it or judging yourself for having it. Ironically, acceptance often reduces the grip the thought has on you.
Finally, remember that feeling “not good enough” is often louder when your body is depleted. DBT’s PLEASE skills—taking care of physical health, eating, sleep, nourishment, and substance use—matter more than we like to admit. When your system is exhausted, your self-talk tends to get harsher. Caring for your body is not a distraction from mental health work; it’s part of it.
If you take nothing else from this, I hope you hear this: the part of you that doubts your worth learned that belief for a reason, and it deserves compassion, not criticism. You don’t have to prove your goodness. You can practice noticing it, slowly, imperfectly, in real time. And with patience and support, that “not enough” story can become just that, a story, not a fact.
Until next time- be kind to your mind.
—The Therapist Diaries
For a free DBT based workbook focused on self-validation & utilizing the DBT skills listed above please email thetherapistdiaries@outlook.com
For professional inquiries please visit Voyager Therapy
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