Hello there, and welcome back to The Therapist Diaries.
It’s been a hot minute since I last wrote something. Partly because it’s summer, and even I like to enjoy the sunshine when I can. But it’s also because there’s been a lot happening behind the scenes at my private practice. I've been busy finding a new office space, organising some exciting new events, and starting to get the wheels turning for our 2027 services.
There’s plenty more to share about all of that, but for today, I thought I’d introduce you to an intervention that, quite by chance, I’ve found myself using quite a lot with clients over the past couple of weeks: The Empty Chair Intervention.
If you’ve ever watched a therapy scene on TV where someone sits opposite an empty chair and starts talking to someone who isn’t actually there, you may already have a vague idea of what I’m talking about.
But there’s much more to the Empty Chair than simply “talking to an empty chair”.
The Empty Chair Intervention is a therapeutic technique often used in Gestalt Therapy. Gestalt Therapy is a humanistic, experiential approach that focuses on increasing awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily experiences, and relationships in the present moment.
At its heart, The Empty Chair Technique creates an opportunity for a client to have a dialogue with someone who isn't physically present, or sometimes with a different part of themselves.
The therapist places an empty chair opposite the client and invites them to imagine that a particular person, situation, feeling, or aspect of themselves is sitting in that chair.
The client can then speak directly to the imagined person or part.
And sometimes, they are invited to move between the two chairs, speaking first from their own perspective and then responding from the perspective of the person or part they have imagined sitting opposite them.
It might sound a little unusual at first.
But there is something powerful about moving an internal conversation into the here-and-now.
Instead of simply thinking: “I wish I had told my dad how angry I was.” A client might actually turn towards the empty chair and say: “I’m angry with you. You weren't there when I needed you.”
The experience can become much more immediate, embodied and emotionally alive.
One of the things I love about Gestalt Therapy is its emphasis on awareness and what is happening in the present moment. We can spend an enormous amount of time talking about our experiences. We can analyse what happened, explain why we feel the way we do, and understand intellectually that something from our past continues to affect us. And that understanding can be incredibly valuable.
But sometimes, understanding something isn't quite the same as experiencing it.
The Empty Chair can help bring some of those unfinished conversations, emotions and experiences into the room so they can be explored differently. It can provide space for things that were never said. For anger that was never expressed. For grief that hasn't had somewhere to go. For boundaries that were never communicated. For questions that may never receive an answer. Or even for compassion towards a part of ourselves that we've spent years criticising.
A key Gestalt concept that often comes into play here is unfinished business.
This refers to unresolved feelings, needs or experiences that continue to affect us in the present. Perhaps you never got the apology you needed. Perhaps you never had the opportunity to say goodbye. Perhaps you were angry but didn't feel safe enough to express it. Perhaps you were constantly told to “get over it” and never had the opportunity to acknowledge how much something hurt.
Sometimes, the people involved aren't available to us anymore. They may have died, moved away, become estranged from us, or simply be unwilling or unable to have the conversation we need.
The Empty Chair doesn't change what happened. It doesn't magically provide the apology, explanation or response we may have wanted. Instead, it can create a space where our side of the conversation can finally be explored. And sometimes, that can be incredibly meaningful.
I might begin by asking something like: “If you could have this person sitting in the chair opposite you right now, what would you want to say to them?”
The client might then begin talking to the empty chair. They might express anger. They might cry. They might laugh. They might discover that what they thought they wanted to say isn't actually what comes out. And that's okay.
My role isn't to script the conversation or tell the client what they should say. Instead, I help the client stay connected to what they're experiencing and notice what emerges.
Sometimes I invite the client to switch chairs. From the opposite chair, the client might imagine responding from the perspective of the other person.
This isn't about pretending that we can know exactly what another person would say. It's an exploration of the client's own perceptions, assumptions, hopes, fears and internalised experiences of that relationship.
And most of the time, my favourite realiastion to come out of these sessions.. “Actually, I don't want to know what they would say. I just needed to say what I needed to say.”
Ways I use the Empty Chair
1. Exploring an unresolved relationship
When a relationship ends unexpectedly or with issues unresolved, the chair can be used to express:
anger about what happened
sadness about what they didn't receive
questions they've carried for years
things they wish they had said
boundaries they wish they had established
love or appreciation that was difficult to express at the time
The goal isn't necessarily reconciliation or forgiveness. Sometimes the therapeutic work is simply about allowing the client to acknowledge their own experience.
2. Working with grief and loss
The Empty Chair can also be used when someone is grieving. A client might imagine a loved one sitting opposite them and tell them about something that has happened since they died. They might say goodbye. They might express anger about the loss. They might tell them something they never got the chance to say. They might simply say: “I miss you.” Grief doesn't always require words, but sometimes giving those words somewhere to go can be incredibly powerful.
3. Expressing anger safely
Many of us learn, consciously or unconsciously, that certain emotions aren't acceptable. Anger is a particularly common one. A person might have grown up believing that being angry makes them difficult, aggressive, selfish or “too much”. The Empty Chair can offer an opportunity to explore that anger in a contained therapeutic environment.
For example: “I'm angry that you always expected me to put everyone else first.” Or: “I'm angry that you made me feel like my feelings didn't matter.” The important part isn't simply getting the anger out. It's becoming aware of what the anger is communicating. What boundary was crossed? What need wasn't met? What mattered to you?
4. Exploring self-criticism
The Empty Chair doesn't have to involve another person at all. It can also be used to explore different parts of ourselves. Imagine someone who has an incredibly harsh inner critic.The therapist might invite them to imagine that critical voice sitting in the chair. They could then say: “You tell me I'm never good enough.” And perhaps move into the other chair and explore what that critical part might say. This can create some distance from the inner critic and help the client become more aware of where those messages come from and what purpose they may once have served.
5. Exploring difficult decisions
The technique can also be adapted to explore internal conflict. For example, imagine someone who is torn between staying in a job that feels secure and leaving to pursue something they really want. One chair could represent the part of them that wants safety and security. The other could represent the part that wants change and freedom. Rather than simply listing the pros and cons, they can begin to experience the conversation between those different parts. “I want you to leave.” “But I'm scared we'll regret it.” “I'm tired of being scared.” “I don't know if we're ready.” Sometimes hearing these competing perspectives spoken aloud can reveal something that wasn't obvious when the conflict was simply happening inside someone's head.
But does the person actually have to sit in a chair?
No!
Although the traditional intervention uses two chairs, the underlying principle is more important than the furniture. A therapist can adapt the exercise depending on the client and the circumstances. It could involve visualisation, writing, speaking aloud, or using another physical object to represent the person or part being explored.
It's not foolproof, not everyone will find this useful. For some people, speaking to an empty chair may feel strange, uncomfortable, overly exposing or simply not like the right way to work. That's okay. Good therapy isn't about forcing someone into a particular technique because it happens to be theoretically interesting. It's about working collaboratively and finding approaches that feel appropriate, safe and meaningful for that individual.
For me, one of the most interesting things about the Empty Chair is how quickly it can shift a conversation from talking about something to experiencing something. Therapy very rarely happens in the moment that something is happening for us. The moment has usually passed. A client might arrive saying: “I'm not really angry about it anymore.” And then, when invited to speak directly to the person in the chair: “I'm furious with you.” Neither statement necessarily cancels the other out.
Sometimes our emotions are much more complicated than the labels we give them. We can understand something and still feel hurt by it. We can love someone and be angry with them. We can forgive someone and still acknowledge that what happened wasn't okay. We can know that someone did the best they could and still grieve what we didn't receive from them. The Empty Chair can create space for some of those contradictions to exist. And perhaps that's one of the things therapy does best: giving us somewhere to explore the parts of our experience that don't fit neatly into a single box.
A journaling exercise for you
You don't need an actual empty chair to explore some of these ideas and you don't have to do it all out loud. If there's a conversation you haven't been able to have, try finding somewhere quiet and imagine the person sitting opposite you. Then, rather than writing about them, write directly to them.
Start with: “What I never got to say to you was…” And don't worry about making it sound reasonable, polite or perfectly articulated. Let yourself write what comes up.
Other prompts to explore:
“What I'm most angry about is…”
“What hurt me was…”
“What I needed from you was…”
“What I wish you understood is…”
“What I want to let go of is…”
“What I want to say to myself now is…”
And then after answering your prompt pause. Notice what you're feeling as you read your words back. Where do you feel it in your body? What emotion is there? What does that emotion seem to need? You don't have to send what you've written. You don't even have to finish it. The value of this exercise is simply in finally giving words to something that has been sitting quietly inside us for a very long time.
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