Hello and Welcome Back to The Therapist Diaries,
Happy Valentine’s/Galentines/Palentines Weekend! You might think I’m being a little extra by including all the “tines,” but the truth is, relationships are important no matter what your status is. Last week, I met up with an old friend who was reflecting on finding her soulmate. It wasn’t her first husband, but someone she met later in life, and when they connected, their souls just clicked. That got me thinking about all the romantic stories I’d obsessed over as a teen, tales of destiny, soulmates, love at first sight, and the idea of one true love. I used to imagine I’d someday meet my own Mr. Bingley, walking into my life like some grand, sweeping romance. But, in the real world, is it really so simple? Do we find “the one,” or is it more about building meaningful, mutual connections? Well, I've come to the conclusion that it's a bit of both. In Wuthering Heights, Catherine Earnshaw says "whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." I think that perfectly encapsulates it. Your soul mate (platonic or romantic) is the one who can speak to your soul, who can communicate with you beyond words, and that usually comes from an understanding of your needs.
In a way, the idea of a soulmate is a beautiful, almost magical concept, but relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are complex. The truth is, we each have unique ways of experiencing and expressing love, which is where something like Love Languages comes in. The Love Languages aren’t just catchy phrases or romantic ideals; they’re actual relationship indicators, ways in which we feel most supported, safe, and cared for. They help us understand what we need from others, and more importantly, they help us understand how we can show up for the people we care about in the ways that matter most to them.
Knowing your own Love Language is powerful because it gives you clarity on how to advocate for your emotional needs. It's the foundation of knowing what makes you feel seen, loved, and appreciated, whether that’s through physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, or receiving gifts. But the beauty of love lies not just in knowing how you want to be loved, but in how you can love others. Relationships, at their core, are about reciprocity. It’s not enough to expect someone to meet your needs without understanding theirs.
Imagine a relationship where both people feel like their needs are heard and honored, where each person expresses love in the way that resonates most deeply with the other. That’s when the magic happens. It’s not necessarily about finding someone who is “your perfect match” or “your soulmate,” but about discovering how to work together to build a connection that feels harmonious and secure. Relationships thrive when both partners are not only aware of their own needs but also embrace the Love Languages of the other person. Whether it’s offering your partner words of encouragement and support, giving them your undivided attention, or simply lending a hand in acts of service, these small yet significant gestures help to nurture a deeper, more resilient bond.
I was recently watching The Diary of a CEO where Michelle Obama was a guest. She mentioned how after she and President Obama had their children, their relationships dynamics changed and in order to work through it, they attended couples therapy. This took me by surprise because to the outside world they always looked to be THAT perfect couple, but as I thought about it more, I realized they were THAT perfect couple, not because they didn't have their problems, but because they had found a way to connect with each other and work through them, allowing them both to thrive as individuals, and as a family unit.
Love Languages are such a great place to start when it comes to couples/ family work because they provide a tangible framework for understanding emotional needs and communication styles. In couples therapy, I often help partners identify their primary Love Languages and explore how these affect their interactions, both in terms of expressing love and receiving it. By highlighting the importance of not just knowing your own needs but also being attuned to those of your partner, we can then often find a path to a deeper level of empathy and understanding. For some couples this brings them closer together, for others it's the realization that they are not with the person the need to be with.
In family dynamics work we're often looking issues with miscommunication, particularly when each member’s way of expressing care differs. By fostering awareness of each person’s Love Language, we can empower families to create more supportive, nurturing relationships where everyone feels valued.
Whether it’s a couple learning how to speak each other’s love language or a family shifting their communication patterns to accommodate different emotional needs, this approach helps to build stronger, more resilient connections.
At the end of the day, love isn’t just about finding someone who “gets you”; it’s about creating space for each person to feel truly seen and valued. Love is often seen as this purely romantic idea but it's much more complex than that and maybe should synonymously be used with words such as respect, care, support etc.
Understanding someone’s Love Language isn’t about creating a checklist or a rigid framework, it’s about deepening your emotional connection and making sure that both of you are comfortable and secure in the relationship. Whether you’re navigating the complexities of a romantic partnership, building a close friendship, or even strengthening family ties, understanding and respecting each other’s unique ways of giving and receiving love is crucial.
So, this Valentine’s Weekend, while it’s lovely to think about soulmates and all the dreamy ideals associated with them, let’s also remember that love is something you build over time, and it’s shaped by the way you show up for one another. Knowing and practicing the Love Languages isn’t just about receiving love, it’s about giving it in a way that speaks directly to the heart of the people around you. Whether it's your partner, your best friend, or someone who’s become family, true connection starts with understanding and mutual care. And that, I think, is a kind of soul-deep love that we can all strive for, no matter what form it takes.
Until next time- be kind to your mind.
—The Therapist Diaries
For professional inquiries please visit Voyager Therapy
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