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Why Big Decisions Feel Daunting and How to Handle Them

 Hello and Welcome Back to The Therapist Diaries, 

Today, I'm stepping out of the office and lying down on my own therapy sofa because I want to talk about a topic that I've been struggling with recently and I think it's one a lot of people struggle with. 

Making. Big. Decisions.

I should start by prefacing that I am an extremely indecisive person- ironic because in contrast I'm also very stubborn and once my mind is made up there's no changing it- but before I can make any kind of decision my anxiety brain has to overthink it a gazillion times. I'm not even talking about big decisions when I say this, I'm saying that I can't even pick what I want for dinner or what music I want to listen to in the car. It's why my boyfriend is forced to watch the same comfort shows over and over again, and why he now knows the lyrics to Taylor Swift songs. So big decisions are a BIG problem for me. 

Decisions such as changing careers, moving to a new city, or even choosing a new doctor all feel overwhelming. Sure, I've done all of the above at some point in my life, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I was in my therapists' office for weeks before stating, “I just don’t know what to do, and it’s stressing me out.” And every single time she'd tell me the same thing I often tell my clients when they feel overwhelmed, "you're not alone."

Big decisions often feel daunting because they involve uncertainty, risk, and the possibility of regret. We are fight-flight-freeze-fawn response beings. When the future is unknown, our brains naturally focus on potential threats, making even positive changes feel intimidating. On top of that, many people feel pressure to make the “perfect” choice. The reality is that there is rarely a single perfect answer, there are only options that align differently with your values, goals, and circumstances. What works for one doesn't necessarily work for someone else. 

The emotional weight of big decisions can also make thinking clearly harder. Decisions often stir up past experiences, guilt, or fear of disappointing others. Sometimes, having too many choices paradoxically increases anxiety, leaving us stuck in indecision. It’s no wonder these moments can feel so overwhelming.

So, how can we make big decisions more manageable? One of the first steps is to clarify your values. Ask yourself, “What matters most to me in this situation?” Understanding your priorities can help narrow your options and guide your next steps. It also helps make sure that you're making the decision for you and not because of pressure from someone else. Breaking the decision down into smaller, actionable steps can also help. Instead of trying to solve everything at once, consider gathering information or testing options gradually.

It can also be helpful to name your fears. Writing down the worst-case scenarios allows you to see them clearly and plan practical responses, reducing their power over you. Talking with trusted friends, mentors, or a therapist can offer new perspectives and help you feel less alone in the process. Lastly, give yourself permission to adjust. Very few decisions are truly irreversible, and allowing yourself flexibility can reduce pressure and anxiety. My Mum often tells me, "There's a solution to every problem", and she's 100% right. If I make the wrong decision today, there will be a way to move forward tomorrow. 

Above all, I've learned that when it comes to making big decisions, it's important to practice self-compassion. Making big decisions is hard because it’s inherently human to feel uncertainty and doubt. Treat yourself like you would a close friend: with patience, curiosity, and understanding. If you feel stuck or overwhelmed, working with a therapist can provide a safe space to explore your options, clarify your values, and reduce the stress that comes with uncertainty. Making decisions isn’t about being perfect, it’s about moving forward thoughtfully, step by step. 

I hope you have a relaxing Sunday before the hustle and bustle of life begins again tomorrow. Do something for yourself today and remember, it's your life, you're in control of it! 

Until next time- be kind to your mind.

—The Therapist Diaries

 

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