Hello and Welcome Back to The Therapist Diaries,
Married at First Sight UK 2025 may be coming to an end but that doesn't mean the lessons from the couples and experts have to stop. Over the course of this series, I've been looking at 4 big take away's that I noticed as a therapist watching the show.
1) Attachment Styles
2) Communication
3) How Couples Evolve Together
4) Marriage Expectations vs Reality
So, if you're not ready to sign up for couples therapy just yet but are interested in building a healthier relationship with your partner, this is the place to be! Today we're talking about Number 3- How couples navigating change in relationships, how couples can evolve together, or what to do when they don’t. So, take a seat on the sofa and let's get into it.
In the show, we witness a range of couples who meet at the altar as strangers, this TV staged situation exaggerates the natural challenge any couple faces when entering a committed life together as two individuals creating a shared life. For example, the couple Anita and Paul were matched with relative compatibility on paper: shared interests, similar ages. Yet early on Anita described feeling a deep longing for an emotional connection, while Paul admitted more privately that he was still “finding himself.” They made the decision together to separate citing lack of emotional bonding.
What can we pull from that? First, growth means that in relationships we should be asking are both partners open to evolve, not just individually but in tandem. Anita was ready for deeper intimacy; Paul was still exploring his identity. That mismatch meant that one person’s trajectory outpaced the others. When one partner is evolving and the other is standing still (or evolving in a different direction), you’re at risk of growing apart rather than together and this can be hard to admit. You can still love someone with your whole heart but if you're on two different paths, it's unfair for one of you to make the other change. Ever heard the phrase "right person, wrong time"?
Contrast Anita and Paul with Keye and Davide who seem to have had more alignment in their early stages. The show has portrayed them to have a shared forward motion and relational investment meaning that not only are both partners willing to move, but they are willing to move in the same direction at the same time.
Here’s a way to make this relevant for you, whether you’re dating, partnered, or married:
When you reflect together, ask: “Where am I now? Where am I headed? And where are you?” Have a real conversation about your trajectories. Are you both stepping into new roles, new challenges, new identities that are compatible (or at least comprehensible to each other)? Because if one partner is learning to become a parent, or shifting career, or changing values, and the other is staying static or resisting change, that difference can strain the relationship.
MAFS is a social experiment, but it does highlight some very real relationship realities. Another example is that in real life relationships there is an identity-shock moment when life demands change (moving in together, meeting in-laws, dealing with external stress). The show highlights this with couples like Maeve and Joe who appeared to have some promising moments in the beginning but external life events (Joe’s grandfather passed away) and confusion about roles pulled them off track. The reason it's so important to be on the same path as your partner is because growth isn’t only about enthusiasm or initial spark, it’s about weathering the unexpected together.
So, if you’re reading this and thinking about your own relationship, here are some realistic invitations you might consider:
Spend intentional time listening to your partner’s inner world, not just what they say, but what’s shifting underneath. Are there subtle changes, job ambitions, beliefs about life, dreams, that you may be missing? Check in with your own: What are you evolving into? Are you the same person you were a year ago? Three years ago?
Create a “growth map” together even if it’s informal. What do we each need to learn, change, or experiment with in the upcoming year? Where do we want to grow as individuals, and how does our growth affect us as “us”? If one partner’s map points toward “I want to travel the world and live abroad,” and the other’s is “I want to put roots down and focus on family in this town,” that’s a conversation worth having now rather than later.
Recognize and honor when it’s time to grow apart. Growth together is wonderful, but if you find that your paths are diverging or your values are shifting in opposite directions, one person wanting more while the other wants less, it’s courageous and wise and kind, to acknowledge that. Just like Anita and Paul did: noticing early that one person’s map was different, they parted ways before more damage was done. That’s not failure, it’s clarity.
Use relational check-ins: set a recurring time (monthly or quarterly) to ask each other: “How am I changing? How are we changing? What do I need from you? What do you need from me? What support do we need in order to grow together?” This is the relational vehicle for growth.
From the therapy chair, one key thing I often underscore is that relationships are living organisms. They need nourishment, space, flexibility and alignment. MAFS gives us dramatized versions but the real lives of couples are just as dynamic. Growth together isn’t simply “we’ll change for each other” but “we choose to evolve with awareness of each other”.
If you’re in a partnership and feel the stirrings of change, whether anticipated or surprise, lean into curiosity. Ask your partner: “How are you growing right now?” Then share yourself. If you find the answers diverge, don’t panic. Evolution doesn’t always mean demise. It may mean a new chapter: together in a new shape, or respectfully apart, but aligned with your growth.
I invite you to name one growth-step you’re taking this week, either for you, or you and your partner, and bring it into your conversation.
Until next time- be kind to your mind.
—The Therapist Diaries
For professional inquiries please reach out to georgina.m.lloyd@outlook.com
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