Hello and welcome back to the Therapist Diaries,
In the last post we were discussing the symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder- a depressive disorder that often impacts people most during the winter months. Today, I thought we’d go a step forward and talk about some real life, practical things we can do if someone we know is struggling with depression or generalized negative thoughts, no matter what time of year.
Firstly, how do you recognize depressive symptoms if your loved one doesn’t tell you anything? Remember, even if you create a safe environment for people to share their struggles with you, no one is required to tell you anything about their mental health, that doesn’t mean you have to read minds to be helpful.
Sometimes, the people we love the most are struggling quietly, without ever saying a word. When depression creeps in, it can make even the simplest moments feel heavy, distant, and unfamiliar, it's important to know that depression doesn’t always look like sadness; it can show up in subtle changes that are easy to miss. Maybe your friend who used to be chatty has become distant, or a family member who loved their hobbies no longer seems interested. You might notice shifts in their sleep, appetite, or energy levels, or that they’re canceling plans more often than usual. Even small things, like sounding flat in conversation or seeming easily overwhelmed, can be signs that something deeper is going on. The key is to pay attention with empathy, not judgment, gentle curiosity and care can open the door for them to share what they’re feeling when they’re ready. Loving someone who’s struggling can leave you feeling helpless, but the truth is, your quiet care and presence can make more of a difference than you realize.
Loving someone who is struggling is hard. You want to help, to pull them out of that heaviness, but it’s hard to know what to say or do and you're almost always scared of saying the wrong thing. It’s completely natural to feel nervous about saying or doing the wrong thing when someone you care about is dealing with depression. You might worry that bringing up serious topics could make things worse or that you won’t know the “right” words to comfort them if they do open up and tell you how they're feeling. The truth is, there’s no perfect script, what matters most is your genuine care and willingness to listen. Research shows that talking openly about subjects such as depression, self-harm, or even suicide, doesn’t put ideas in someone’s mind; instead, it can be a lifeline. Asking gentle, direct questions like “Have you been feeling so bad that you’ve thought about hurting yourself?” shows that you care and that it’s safe for them to be honest. Simple gestures, like checking in or sitting with them in silence, can mean more than you realize. It’s okay to admit that you don’t have all the answers; your honesty can actually make the other person feel safer opening up. Remember, showing up with kindness and patience is far more important than finding the perfect thing to say. Your loved one probably feels unable to begin these conversations and so your willingness to start that conversation could make all the difference.
Support Without Fixing:
When a loved one is struggling, our natural instinct is to want to fix everything for them. Sometimes we can do this literally- if we're able to lighten their load and reduce a stressor (such as finances, or work-related stress), then that's great but ultimately depression is much more than that. While reducing an element of stress in their life will help them considerably, it will not completely "fix" everything and you shouldn't try too either. That is where professional help is needed- through either therapy or medication. So, what can you do? Being present is the best tool you have, it doesn't cost anything other than time and kindness, and we all have that to spare.
Depression often convinces people that they’re a burden, that no one wants to deal with their sadness. This is how your presence can make all the difference. Showing up, through a text, a call, or sitting quietly beside them sends the message that they are not alone. You don’t need to fill the silence with solutions or positivity; sometimes, just being there says more than words ever could. If your loved one opens up, try to listen without judgment. It can be tempting to say things like “Look on the bright side” or “You have so much to be grateful for,” but these well-meant phrases can make someone feel unheard or misunderstood. Another natural response that isn’t always as helpful as we hope, is putting yourself in their shoes. We do it with the best of intention, we want to let them know that they are not alone, but it comes across as something quite different, it comes across as though you’re trying to one up them… regardless of intention, all they hear is “I had a hard time too, so you’ll be fine”. Instead try validating their feelings. Say things like, “That sounds really hard,” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.” Validation helps create a safe space where your loved one can express what they’re going through without fear of being dismissed.
Small acts of care can also make a big difference. Invite them for a walk, drop off their favorite snack, or simply check in regularly. Depression can make even basic tasks feel overwhelming, so gentle support with daily routines, such as, helping them run errands or cook a meal, can ease the load. These gestures remind them that connection still exists, even when their mind tells them otherwise. Without judgement, offer suggestions for the tasks that seem too big. Small, gentle adjustments can help make things more manageable. If taking a full shower feels like too much, using baby wipes or a damp washcloth can help a person feel refreshed without the extra effort. If cooking meals is taking it's toll, suggest they keep easy, ready-to-eat meals or snacks on hand, things like yogurt, fruit, or microwaveable soups, so that they can still nourish themselves even on low-energy days. Setting tiny goals, like brushing teeth once a day or changing into clean, comfortable clothes, can also make a difference. It can also help to simplify the environment: keep essentials close by, reduce clutter where they rest, and use reminders or timers if that’s useful. Most importantly, remind them be kind to themselves, these small steps aren’t forever, and they're not failures or shortcuts; they’re acts of care that honor where you are and help you keep moving forward, one manageable moment at a time.
Your presence can do a lot and make a lot of difference, but it's essential that if your loved one shares thoughts of hopelessness or says things that worry you, then you encourage professional help. Offer to help them find a therapist, go with them to an appointment, or sit beside them while they make a call. Sometimes, taking that first step feels impossible when you’re depressed, and your support can make all the difference.
Above all, remember to care for yourself too. Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally draining, and you can’t pour from an empty cup. Make time for rest, set boundaries, and protect your own emotional well-being. No one wants to be the person who says “I’m so glad that you feel comfortable talking to me, but I don’t feel comfortable discussing that. Can we call someone together, so you to talk to them instead?” But sometimes it’s a necessary boundary to set to protect your own peace. Even as therapists, there are cases that we have to pass along to another provider because we are not comfortable with every kind of trauma.
Depression is a dark and lonely place, but your presence can be a quiet light, a reminder that hope still exists, that love endures, and that no one has to walk through the darkness alone.
If you or someone you care about is struggling with depression or negative thoughts, support is available right now:
In the U.S.: Call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (24/7, free, and confidential).
In the U.K.: Call Samaritans at 116 123 for free, confidential support any time.
If you’re outside these regions, visit findahelpline.com for international hotlines.
You can also explore therapy directories like Psychology Today or BetterHelp to connect with licensed mental health professionals.
You don’t have to face depression alone, and neither does your loved one. Reaching out is the first step toward healing.
Until next time- be kind to your mind.
—The Therapist Diaries
For non-emergent, professional inquiries please reach out to georgina.m.lloyd@outlook.com
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