Hello and welcome back to The Therapist Diaries,
In a world that often praises the hustle, it's easy to get swept up in setting big goals and chasing them with tunnel vision. Whether it's about career advancement, health, relationships, or personal growth, we’re constantly told to "dream big" and "push harder." But what if the real power of goal-setting lies not in the intensity of our pursuit, but in the flexibility of our approach and the compassion we show ourselves in the process?
If you’ve done therapy before you’ve probably talked to your therapist about SMART goals. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. Defining these parameters as they pertain to your goal helps ensure that your objectives are attainable within a certain time frame. The reason therapists mention these so often is because this is how we formulate our treatment goals on your treatment plans. For example, if a client comes to me with a presenting problem of always sleeping in late for work, and she defines her overall goal as no longer pressing snooze on her alarm clock, a SMART goal could be:
S – Specific:
I want to stop pressing the snooze button in the morning so I can get out of bed on time and start my day more productively.
M – Measurable:
I will get up with my first alarm without hitting snooze at least 6 out of 7 days each week.
A – Achievable:
I will achieve this by setting my alarm for a realistic wake-up time, placing my alarm across the room, and going to bed 30 minutes earlier to ensure I get enough rest.
R – Relevant:
This goal supports my overall well-being by reducing morning stress, improving my time management, and increasing my energy and focus for the day.
T – Time-bound:
I will follow this new routine for 30 consecutive days, starting tomorrow, and then evaluate my progress and adjust if needed.
Do you see how the goal is defined along with a way of measuring progress, and there’s a focus on why this goal is important to the overall well-being of the client? Looks an awful lot like a treatment plan doesn’t it..
It’s important to talk about the why and how of goal-setting, because it’s not just about reaching an endpoint. It’s about learning who we are as we move toward it.
Why Goal Setting Matters in Daily Life
Goal setting gives us direction. It helps us prioritize our energy, build routines, and measure progress in meaningful ways. Even simple goals like drinking more water, going outside once a day, or calling a friend once a week can serve as anchors that tether us to the present and move us toward a more intentional life.
More importantly, goals offer us agency. They remind us that we have a say in how our lives unfold. This can be especially powerful during times when we feel stuck, overwhelmed, or lost.
When a Goal Needs to Shift or Change
There’s often a quiet resistance that creeps in when a goal no longer fits but we’re afraid to let it go. Maybe it’s the fear of failure. Maybe it’s the belief that changing a goal means we’re not committed enough. But here’s the truth: changing a goal is not giving up, it’s recalibrating.
Here are a few signs it might be time to revisit or revise a goal:
If you’re feeling dread instead of motivation. A little discomfort is normal, but if pursuing a goal is consistently draining, it might be time to reassess.
Your circumstances have changed.Life is unpredictable: health, finances, relationships, or even your values might shift. Your goals should reflect that.
You’re not the same person who set the goal. Growth changes us. What felt aligned six months ago may no longer resonate.
You’re seeing diminishing returns. If your effort is no longer producing meaningful progress or fulfillment, it might be time for a different path.
Being Kind to Ourselves When Progress Feels Slow, or the Goal Changes
This might be the hardest part. We're taught to celebrate wins, not pivots. But progress isn't always linear, and growth often hides in the in-between moments, the pauses, the setbacks, the redirections.
Here are some ways to offer yourself kindness when the journey gets bumpy:
1. Talk to yourself like you would a friend.
Would you shame a friend for needing to take a detour? Doubtful. You’d remind them they’re doing their best. Give yourself that same grace.
2. Celebrate smaller wins.
Progress isn’t just the big “I did it!” moments. It’s showing up. It’s trying again. It’s choosing rest when you need it and being honest when something isn’t working.
3. Name your effort, not just your outcome.
Shift your self-talk from “I didn’t reach my goal” to “I showed up consistently” or “I listened to what I needed.” Effort is a worthy metric.
4. Let go of ‘all or nothing’ thinking.
You didn’t fail just because you had to adapt. You succeeded in honoring where you are and what you need now.
Goals Are Tools, Not Tests
At the end of the day, goals are meant to serve you, not the other way around. They’re not a measure of your worth or willpower. They’re simply a way to stay connected to your values, dreams, and intentions.
So the next time you feel like you’re falling behind, take a breath. Ask yourself: Is this goal still right for me? What would it look like to treat myself with compassion here?
You don’t have to push harder. You just have to keep showing up, honestly, gently, and with room to grow. And always remember, that we are our own worst critic and so the chances are that you're doing much better than you think you are.
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