Hello and welcome back to The Therapist Diaries,
For the past couple of posts we’ve been looking at ways to make our days more meaningful and fulfilling. We’ve talked about mindfulness and goal setting and for this post we’re looking at the true impact of finding a routine that works for you.
There’s a moment I often share with clients. It's early morning, the birds are singing, the sunlight is just beginning to brush the walls. I open my journal, not to write anything profound, but simply to start the day with intention. That ritual, small as it is, has kept me grounded through some of the most chaotic chapters of my life. Because here's what I’ve learned as both a therapist and a human being: routines may not be glamorous, but they’re quietly life-changing.
Why Routines Matter More Than We Think
In the therapy room, “routine” is one of those words that seems almost too simple, until we explore what it really does. A routine provides structure, predictability, and a sense of control. In a world that often feels unsteady, routines offer something solid to stand on. They anchor us.
On a psychological level, routines help regulate our circadian rhythms, support executive functioning, and reduce decision fatigue. That’s a fancy way of saying: routines help our brains relax. When we know what’s coming next, we don't burn mental energy trying to figure it out. This frees up capacity for creativity, emotional processing, and meaningful connection.
Even more importantly, a consistent routine can become a container for healing, especially for those navigating anxiety, depression, or trauma. It gives shape to the shapeless. It gently moves us forward when everything inside us wants to stop.
Why It’s Hard (and Totally Normal) to Struggle
Here’s the part we don’t talk about enough: building and keeping a routine can feel really hard. Especially when we’re already overwhelmed.
You might have the best of intentions, only to find yourself skipping the routine by Day 3, then beating yourself up for "failing." Or maybe you're living in survival mode, where just brushing your teeth feels like a win. That’s real. That’s valid.
The truth is, routines are hard because they require energy upfront and consistency over time. Mental health challenges often interfere with motivation, memory, and executive functioning, making that even harder. Add in busy schedules, caregiving, work stress, and well... life happens.
So if you’ve tried before and it didn’t stick, you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re human.
Getting Started: Gentle is the New Discipline
So how do we begin again (or for the first time)? We start gently and we stay kind with ourselves.
1. Begin With One Thing
Pick just one anchor point, a small, repeatable action you can do each day. That might be making your bed, opening a window, or drinking water before coffee. Let this be your grounding ritual.
2. Tie It to Something You Already Do
Behavioral science calls this “habit stacking.” Brush your teeth? Great. Add a 60-second body stretch afterward. Already make coffee? Take three deep breaths while it brews. These pairings make routines easier to remember and maintain.
3. Make It Visible
Track your new routine somewhere, a calendar, a sticky note, an app. Not as a form of pressure, but as a way to notice your progress. Even a simple Check mark can offer a sense of accomplishment.
4. Plan for the Off Days
Life will interrupt your rhythm. That’s okay. A missed day isn’t failure, it’s part of the process. Instead of starting over, just return. No shame, no drama. Routines are most powerful when they bend, not break.
5. Let It Grow
Your routine doesn't have to be rigid. In fact, the best routines grow with you. What serves you in August might not serve you in November. Let it shift. Let it breathe. Let it grow.
In short, routine won’t fix everything. But they will hold you, in subtle and steady ways. They remind us that we’re not lost, just simple between steps. They remind you that even on the hardest days, you are still moving. Still choosing. Still here.
If you’re looking for a place to begin then begin with rhythm. With repetition. With grace. Start small. Start imperfect. Start where you are.
You don’t need a perfect plan. You just need a place to begin again
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